Toxic holiday food
How can it be a celebration
Giving thanks
By poisoning my body
Keeping myself sick after nearly 20 years of suffering
Is that what I am to be thankful for
Is that the legacy of this family
It is just sickness of the spirit
Sickness of the emotions
There is no prayer at these gatherings
No true gratefulness
No actual celebration
Just gluttony of poison foods
And it then flows right into the supposed celebration of the Christ
Again with the same poison meal
Destroying my Christ temple
This will be the last
Never again will I participate
Celebrations must be that, a celebration
Not a food fest
There should be prayer
Song
Joy and laughter
None of those exist in this ritual
If it means I never spend another holiday with this family of birth
So be it
I must be true to myself
Take care of myself
My body temple
I know what my body needs
And what It does not want
This holiday toxic meal is only a symptom
Of a larger daily ritual
I have no support here for my wellbeing
I choose to support myself
Even if that means cutting out of my life
People who will not support my wholeness
Almost 20 years is almost 20 years too long
For what
For a sick ritual
That somehow is the tie that binds this family
An addiction that will not be addressed by any other than me
They support only my weakness in this addiction
So that in my weakness I do not ask them to look at their own
It is the worst kind of co-dependence
I take myself out of the mix
And call to my life people who can support me making healthy choices for me
There will be no more toxic holiday food
There will be no more toxic daily food
I will not eat out of addiction at all
But only to support my precious life
With love taking in
Only that which does not poison me
They will do what they will in their own space
I am far away now
If they come to visit me
They will eat healthy while they are in my home
Or they will stay in their own
They will not be allowed to attempt to come to me and drag me back into that gutter
That is my chosen boundary
Any who attempt such will not be welcome in my sacred space
Period
This is done now Creator
I know you support me in this
Engtovo ~ November 10, 2004
Hi Poet,
I admire your movement to leave behind empty ritual and get back to the essence of a holiday.
I found your poem as in my Toxicology Grad student discussion, we’re discussing toxic compounds on holiday foods (just for fun!).
I suppose you don’t mind feedback…
In tox, there is the classic saying by Paracelsus, “everything’s a poison, there’s nothing that’s not a poison. It’s the dose that makes the poison.” Just like our modern phrase about “too much of a good thing…” …is a bad thing.
The faith that I believe holds that God loves our bodies, since he created them, and he wants them to be nourished and cared for well. I think this is a too-little spoken of topic in this country, probably because of the fear of peoples’ sensitivity to body issues… sure, we’d all like to look like 20-year-old greek athletes… but don’t write off the importance of eating, and eating together. It’s a necessary things for life, of course, but it’s a bonding experience too. (though in America we don’t show many good examples of it too often, look at a good meal served in an old european style… each course is nourishing and delicious and not enough to fill you, so it leaves you hoping for more, although satisfied for the moment.) I think the film “Babette’s Feast” (or Le Bon Repas du Babette) to get an awesome sense of what a good meal can be.
Our highest sacrament is a meal in the church I’ve chosen. It’s not about filling onself, but being fed.
Interestingly I once heard an interpretation of heaven and hell like this: you’re sitting around a big table in each with a beautiful feast spread before you. Only you don’t have elbows. In hell, each person keeps trying to feed themselves. In heaven, each person is feeding one another. Cute huh?
Well, hope you have a good day. thanks for sharing your reflections.
Peace be with you, and blessed health to your body.
Best wishes,
Abigail